Internal Memo for Tuesday, 10/4/16

Who’s excited for tonight’s VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE???

Don’t all jump at once.

Well, at least we have THE BUSINESS.

North Korea has banned sarcasm.  It’ll totally work.

Brad Pitt, recently separated from wife Angelina Jolie, is reportedly being investigated for child abuse.  Pitt contends his children watched Babel of their own accord.

Anna from Payroll wins again!  Nobody else could name more than four continents?  Really?

Canada has announced that all of its national parks will be fee free for the entirety of 2017.  Many Americans have expressed surprise that there ever were fees, as Canadians have historically been far too polite to collect them.

In his new autobiography, Hall of Famer Steve Young says that a referee once gave him a favorable call because he wanted the quarterback to go out with his daughter.  “I told him, ‘I appreciate it, sir, but I usually try to avoid the sack.’”  Young writes.  “But seriously, I’m Mormon and sex is a disgusting sin like coffee.”

Jerry, the foreman of the jury does not get two votes.

Queen Elizabeth II’s cousin Lord Ivar Mountbatten has become the first member of the British Royal Family to come out as gay.  “I’m finally ready to say it:” Mountbatten wrote in a statement, “from time to time, I do like to engage in a bit of hibbity-pibbity.”

Furniture company Taybles is currently offering a $2,300 coffee table shaped like a cassette tape.  Those who sign up for the accompanying subscription plan will be sent a new CD-shaped table in 10 years, then no tables ever again.

Don’t forget that this Thursday is photo day!  This year’s theme is Hieronymus Bosch.

A Swedish court has ordered one of the country’s colleges to refund an American student’s tuition after giving her a “useless” degree.  The student, who is planning on enrolling in an American university, is retaining counsel.

Eighteen-year-old Australian pilot Lachlan Smart has become the youngest person to fly around the world in a single engine plane, completing the journey in eight weeks.  Since completing the feat, Smart has resumed his life as a wealthy young man with nothing but time.

I hope Tim Kaine “hablas español” at the debate tonight… I know how the “chicas” !!love that¡¡

-The Chairman

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