Hello Loyal Patriots,
Happy Fourth of July! It’s like the Purge, but with more tanks.
IKEA’s “Design Your Own Sofa” feature has spawned a new font: sofa sans. Users have been slow to adopt the font as it is missing every third letter.
Netflix series Stranger Things is taking over New York’s Coney Island this coming weekend. The promotion comes on the heels of last year’s takeover of Rikers Island by Orange is the New Black, which left three dead.
Anna from the cafeteria, are you making hot dogs tomorrow? Cause I might need a new one after last night 😉
A package possibly containing the highly toxic chemical sarin was found in the mail facility of Facebook’s corporate offices in California Monday. Authorities say their chief suspect is Tom.
The avowed neo-Nazi who ran over protester Heather D. Heyer at a Charlottesville rally in 2017 has been sentenced to life in prison, which he requested for recruitment purposes.
Jerry, you are not “the office Radio Raheem.”
The weather was so hot in Germany last week that a man was arrested for driving his motorbike naked. 32-year-old Hans Grausman said he was actually fucking it.
In Paris, which experienced the same record heat, a bicycle melted. Its rider went on to win that day’s stage of the Tour De France, as he was too doped up to notice.
If you’re headed to the beach this week, be sure to stock up on our Goop-branded “natural” sunscreen! Juuuuuuuuuuust kidding- it’s coconut oil. We’re making a killing!
An Alabama man recently discovered a wasp “supernest” consisting of 15,000-18,000 bugs on his property, the fourth such nest reported this year. Bret Stephens has since written a column praising the colony for its “good governance” and “adherence to traditional moral standards.”
In further Alabama news, a woman in the state has been charged with manslaughter after her fetus was shot during an altercation earlier this year. As the fetus was the subject of the argument that provoked the incident, she has also been charged with harboring a fugitive and conspiracy to commit manslaughter.
We ride at dawn.